Identity, Awareness, and the Courage to Be
By George Hull
Editor, Pastoral Report - The Newsletter of the College of Pastoral Supervision & Psychotherapy
In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.
- Albert Camus
Identity, Awareness, and the Courage to Be
We often talk about identity as if it were fixed, something we have settled on for ourselves, and yet identity is rarely fixed; rather, it is a dynamic process. In reality, we are always in the process of becoming ourselves. Our identity is shaped, moment by moment, by the tension between our experiences of others and our own inner perceptions, or, as Anton Boisen called it, our “inner world” of meaning and experience. To become a self is not something we achieve alone; we become who we are only through relationships.
As Alfred North Whitehead observed, the goal of life is not to reach a static state of perfection, but to “grasp as much as we can out of that infinitude” of possibilities surrounding us. From this perspective, “being,” a fixed identity, is merely a snapshot within an ongoing process of becoming.
Jean-Paul Sartre’s stark declaration that “hell is other people” (l’enfer, c’est les autres), from his 1944 play No Exit, points toward a fundamental anxiety of human existence: the realization that we are continually being seen, interpreted, and judged. Our self-image and even our sense of reality are deeply shaped by the gaze of others. Far from a commentary on social annoyance, Sartre’s claim describes how the “Gaze” of the Other can strip us of agency. We suffer from the alienating look of the Other, which claims to know us better than we know ourselves. Others become judgmental mirrors that objectify our existence, fixing us into rigid roles and generating the anguish of losing control over our own self-definition.
In the play, three characters find themselves trapped in a room, gradually realizing that their torment arises not from physical punishment but from their inescapable mutual surveillance and judgment. Yet while Sartre emphasized the imprisoning power of the gaze, the deeper truth is more complex. We are caught in a paradox: other people are the source of our confinement, and yet they are also the essential ground of our becoming.
Without encounter, there is no self. We exist always and only in relation, meaning the “hell” Sartre described is not a place to escape, but the difficult terrain where our true identity must be forged.
The Experience of Being Seen
From our earliest moments, we come to know ourselves through how others respond to us. As psychoanalyst John Bowlby proposed in his theory of attachment, human beings are born with an innate need to form close emotional bonds with primary caregivers for survival and security. Through these early relationships, the child discovers who they are, shaped by the warmth of acceptance or the disapproval of parental figures. Later, adolescents measure themselves through the eyes of their peers. Even as adults, our sense of worth and direction continues to be shaped by the recognition, or the rejection, of the others we encounter.
To be seen is unavoidable. And with being seen comes anxiety.
When another looks upon us, we are no longer simply immersed in our own experience; we become aware of ourselves as an object in someone else’s world. We sense that we are being evaluated and defined. This awareness gives rise to a tension between who we feel ourselves to be inwardly and who we appear to be outwardly.
This biological need for connection is precisely what makes the weight of the “Other” so heavy: because we are wired to seek recognition, we are inherently vulnerable to the judgment Sartre famously decried. This tension is not pathological. It is existential. It is the natural anxiety that accompanies freedom, responsibility, and relationship.
Anxiety and the Threat to Identity
Anxiety emerges when something vital to our existence is at stake. In the realm of identity, what is at stake is our very sense of being.
When we fear being misunderstood, misrepresented, or reduced by the narrow gaze of others, we are responding to a threat to the self. We feel that our richness, complexity, and potential may be obscured beneath their label.
In response, we may conform, please, or hide parts of ourselves to secure acceptance. Over time, we may begin living according to others’ expectations rather than the truth of our own experience.
This is the danger Sartre perceived: not merely that others see us, but that we gradually surrender our freedom to their definitions.
Yet the answer is not withdrawal.
The answer lies in what Rollo May, influenced by Paul Tillich, described as the courage to be. May argued that anxiety is the unavoidable companion of freedom. Courage does not mean the absence of anxiety, but the willingness to act in spite of it.
Beyond “Hell”: The Possibility of Encounter
The struggle for identity always unfolds in the space between self and other. We cannot escape the gaze of others, nor should we wish to. It is through relationship that we come to know ourselves.
At the same time, we must guard against surrendering our freedom to the images others hold of us.
Self-awareness allows us to recognize this tension. Courage allows us to live within it creatively.
To become a self is neither to withdraw from human connection nor to be shaped entirely by it. It is to stand firmly in one’s own experience while remaining open to encounter.
In this ongoing struggle lies the human task, the lifelong work of becoming who we are meant to be.
If Sartre gave us the diagnosis…
If Sartre gave us the diagnosis of our social “hell,” the CPSP Covenant offers the prescription for healing: the “recovery of soul.”
From the Covenant of CPSP
We commit ourselves to a galaxy of shared values that are as deeply held as they are difficult to communicate. “Recovery of soul” is a metaphor that points toward these values. We place a premium on the significance of the relationships among ourselves. We value personal authority and creativity. We seek to make space for one another and to stand ready to midwife one another in our respective spiritual journeys. Because we believe that life is best lived by grace, we guard against becoming invasive, aggressive, or predatory toward one another.
We believe that persons are always more important than institutions, and that even the institution of CPSP itself must be carefully monitored lest it take on an idolatrous character.
