Shared Skills, Distinct Callings: Psychodynamic Self-Awareness in Clinical Pastoral Education and Marriage Coaching

By Asnel Valcin, Psy.D, ; BCCC ; RRT; Diplomate CPE Training Supervisor, CPSP

Abstract

Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) and marriage coaching are often perceived as belonging to distinct professional worlds, one rooted in healthcare and spiritual care, the other in relational enrichment and personal development. Yet practitioners trained in both domains frequently observe a striking overlap in the core competencies required for effective practice. This article argues that while CPE and marriage coaching differ significantly in purpose, context, and ethical mandate, they share a psychodynamically oriented foundation that places self-awareness at the center of transformation. Writing from the perspective of a CPE Supervisor, this paper invites chaplains-in-training to attend carefully to both the similarities and the crucial distinctions between these disciplines, lest competence in one be mistakenly assumed as equivalence in the other.

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Introduction

A question often posed to me by colleagues and trainees alike is deceptively simple: What do CPE and marriage coaching have in common? At first glance, the comparison appears tenuous. CPE unfolds within the charged environment of illness, trauma, loss, and institutional complexity, whereas marriage coaching is typically situated in voluntary, future-oriented contexts of relational growth. Yet the question persists because those who complete CPE frequently report that the formation they undergo reshapes not only their pastoral identity but also their most intimate relationships.

This observation is consistent with the formative aims of CPE, which has long emphasized the transformation of the caregiver as central to effective ministry (Boisen, 1936; Pruyser, 1976). If similar relational capacities emerge in marriage coaching, then chaplains must learn to distinguish between transferable personal growth and professional role equivalence, maintaining ethical and vocational clarity.

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The Psychodynamic Core of Clinical Pastoral Education

Clinical Pastoral Education is historically grounded in a psychodynamic understanding of the human person, shaped by the pioneering work of Anton Boisen and later enriched by psychoanalytic and object relations theory. Boisen’s concept of the “living human document” reframed pastoral care as an encounter requiring disciplined self-reflection and emotional awareness on the part of the caregiver (Boisen, 1936, 1960). Central to CPE formation is the recognition that the chaplain’s inner world, affects, defenses, anxieties, and relational patterns, inevitably enters the pastoral encounter. Through verbatim reflection, group process, and supervisory engagement, trainees are invited to explore transference and countertransference dynamics, emotional reactivity, and unconscious relational scripts (Pruyser, 1976). Drawing on Winnicott’s object relations framework, CPE emphasizes the capacity to provide a “holding environment” in which another person’s experience can emerge without intrusion or collapse (Winnicott, 1965). This capacity requires not technique alone, but a self that has been sufficiently examined, contained, and integrated.

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Marriage Coaching and Relational Self-Awareness

Marriage coaching, particularly when informed by psychodynamic and attachment-based perspectives, similarly prioritizes self-awareness as foundational to relational health. Couples are guided to recognize how early attachment patterns, unresolved conflicts, and emotional triggers shape present-day interactions. Skills such as reflective listening, emotional regulation, and empathic attunement are cultivated as expressions of increased insight rather than mere communication strategies (Yalom, 2002). Unlike psychotherapy, marriage coaching typically operates outside a clinical diagnostic framework. The emphasis is on growth, intentionality, and future-oriented change rather than symptom reduction. Nevertheless, when coaching attends seriously to unconscious dynamics and emotional processes, it draws upon many of the same psychodynamic assumptions that undergird CPE formation.

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Similar Skills, Different Mandates

It is precisely at this intersection that chaplains-in-training must exercise discernment. While the skills employed in CPE and marriage coaching may appear similar, such as deep listening, emotional containment, empathic presence; the mandates and ethical contexts are fundamentally distinct.

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Table 1

Key Distinctions Between Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) and Marriage Coaching

Dimension	CPE	Marriage Coaching
Primary Context	Healthcare / crisis	Voluntary relational growth
Ethical Frame	Institutional, clinical, pastoral	Contractual, educational
Power Dynamics	Asymmetrical; often involving vulnerable populations	More symmetrical; shared agency
Primary Aim	Presence, meaning-making, spiritual care	Skill development, relational vitality

The core distinctions between CPE and marriage coaching are summarized in Table 1, highlighting how similar relational skills function within markedly different ethical, contextual, and power frameworks.

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CPE, generally, takes place within institutional systems marked by vulnerability, power asymmetry, and acute existential threat. Chaplains are entrusted with spiritual care in moments of crisis, often when patients and families have limited agency. This requires a disciplined attentiveness to boundaries, authority, and institutional ethics (Pruyser, 1976). Marriage coaching, by contrast, occurs within a contractual and voluntary framework in which participants retain greater agency and symmetry. The coach’s authority is collaborative rather than clinical, and the primary aim is relational vitality rather than meaning-making in crisis. Failing to recognize these distinctions risks role confusion and the inappropriate transfer of clinical authority into non-clinical settings.

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Formation That Transforms the Self

Despite these differences, it is not surprising that many CPE trainees report becoming better spouses, parents, and partners. CPE does not teach marital techniques; rather, it reshapes the self who enters relationships. Increased tolerance for affect, heightened awareness of defensive patterns, and the capacity to remain emotionally present under stress naturally influence family systems.

From a psychodynamic perspective, this reflects the integration of insight into lived relational practice. As Yalom (2002) suggests, the therapist, or caregiver, cannot take another further than they themselves have traveled emotionally. CPE formation thus produces ripple effects that extend beyond professional settings into personal life.

I can attest to this personally. My own journey through CPE confronted me with my listening habits, my reactivity, and my unexamined assumptions. The formation that made me a more grounded chaplain also made me a more attentive husband and a more emotionally available father. This is transformation by formation, not by technique.

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Implications for CPE Trainees

For CPE trainees, the task is twofold. First, they must honor the transferable personal growth that emerges from CPE formation. Second, they must maintain professional clarity regarding the distinct purposes and ethical boundaries of different helping roles. CPE is not marriage coaching, and marriage coaching is not pastoral care. Yet both bear witness to a shared psychodynamic truth: sustained self-awareness is the soil in which healing relationships grow (Boisen, 1960; Winnicott, 1965).

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Conclusion

CPE and marriage coaching converge at the level of the self and diverge at the level of vocation. While both processes facilitate deep personal transformation, the context, purpose, and ethical boundaries of each remain distinct. When chaplains learn to attend carefully to both similarities and differences, they are better equipped to serve with integrity across the many relational spaces they inhabit. This awareness fosters a disciplined clarity, allowing chaplains to draw upon their formation experiences in CPE without conflating their pastoral role with that of a marriage coach. Recognizing the nuances of each practice prevents role confusion, supports ethical conduct, and ensures appropriate care for those they serve. In this way, CPE remains what it has always claimed to be, not merely training for ministry, but formation for life. The self-reflective skills and emotional awareness cultivated in CPE ripple outward, enhancing one’s capacity to nurture healthy relationships both professionally and personally. Thus, the transformational impact of CPE extends beyond the clinical or ministerial setting, shaping the chaplain into a more present, compassionate, and grounded human being.

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References

Boisen, A. T. (1936). The Exploration of the Inner World. Harper & Brothers.

Boisen, A. T. (1960). Out of the Depths: An Autobiographical Study of Mental Disorder and Religious Experience. Harper & Row.

Pruyser, P. W. (1976). The Minister as Diagnostician. Westminster Press.

Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The Maturational Processes and the Facilitating Environment. International Universities Press.

Yalom, I. D. (2002). The Gift of Therapy: An Open Letter to a New Generation of Therapists and Their Patients. HarperCollins.